The Marriage Bed Is Upside Down

bride and groom



I must tell you at the beginning that I am a Student of the Bible and not a theologian. I follow Yah the Elohim (God) of Abraham and Yahshuah. I don't claim to be 100% correct and am open to your advice.


WHAT A MESS

Our world is a mess because our marriages are a mess. The Juvenile prisons are full of violent felons because they either grew up in homes without fathers, or had multiple abusive step fathers and step mothers. But broken homes are nothing new to our earth village. However what is new is the steep statistical growth in broken homes. At the beginning of the 20th century 10 out of every 100 marriages ended in divorce. By the end of the century it had grown to an alarming 60 out of every 100.

The number of people living together without marriage, and consequently the number of illegitimate children is pandemic.

Disturbingly the statistics for divorces among Christians are no different than from the general population.

I believe part of the fault lies in Christians no longer knowing Yah's teaching on Divorce.
The Church leaders since the 20th Century have not given a consistent, clear teaching on marriage. At the beginning of the Century the message from every pulpit was "Marriage is between one man and one woman. Until death do us part."

But by the 21st Century many of the clergy were divorced. It is not uncommon to find them with their second mate, and some are with their sixth, or seventh spouse. As for the mess of marriage the preachers throw up their hands and say: "Can you unscramble an egg?" 99 out of 100 now accept divorce and remarriage as an unfortunate, but normal way of life.

SO WHAT IS THE SOLUTION?

The solution is to get back to the Scriptures. You need to stop asking the pastors what the Scriptures say about these things and read the Scriptures for yourself. Be forewarned however, this will require a diligent effort on your part. There are about 40 verses to look up and weigh one against the other. And stay away from commentaries; those are just someone else's opinion. Let Yah speak to you through his word for the Word is living and powerful.

FOR THE STOUT HEARTED ONLY

Obviously knowing what is right and doing what is right are two different things. There's no sense reading this article or studying the Bible if you are not willing to obey what Yah says (no matter how painful...and for many of you it will be painful). But remember Yahshuah was made perfect by the things he suffered. So let's begin.

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT MARRIAGE?

I wish there was one chapter that explained it all from A to Z, but there isn't. As I mentioned there are about 40 verses and they are scattered throughout the Bible. You take a verse here and a line there and it soon emerges like a beautiful jig saw puzzle. Here is the Bible's picture of Marriage:
  1. The Groom to be makes a proposal ( usually the Dad is involved in sending the proposal) (Gen.24:4).
  2. Gifts are given to the girl and her family (Gen.24.53)
  3. The girl and her parents accept (Gen 24.8)
  4. The Community authorities agree (Ruth 4:11).
  5. An engagement period follows (no specific time is mentioned, but in Yahshuah day it was about 1 year).
  6. The Groom's dad prepares a Wedding Feast (Judges 14:12, Mt.22.11)
  7. A Tzeddik ( a righteous person) is invited to officiate (John 2.2).
  8. The groom arrives at midnight with his best man, musicians, singers and friends (Jn.3:29, Mt.11.17, Gen.31:27, Jerm. 7:34, Jerm.16:9).
  9. The Bride is waiting with her friends. They go to the Wedding Feast either at the couple's new house or at the groom's dad's house.(Mt.11:1&)
  10. In Yahshuah's day the Wedding Feast lasted 7 days and a bridal chamber was erected in the house where on the first night the bride and groom consummated the marriage by sexual union. (Mt. 19:10)
  11. The Bride changed her name (Ps 45:10).

THE PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE

The Word of Yah says there are four purposes for marriage:
  1. Companionship (Gen.2:18)
  2. Children. Parents are to raise up godly children to be with Yah one day in his kingdom. (Mal. 2:15)
  3. To relieve sexual tensions and thus avoid temptations (1 Cor. 7:2).
  4. To experience Love and to learn how to love others (Eph.5:25, 6.25. Col. 3:19, 1Pt.3:7, Titus 2:4)


THE ZANAH CODE

Whereas most of the 613 commandments from the Mosaic Covenant are not binding on Christians, four teachings did pass from the old covenant to the new covenant, and one of them was the Levitical laws on sexual relations. (see Acts 15:20). Theses laws in Hebrew are called Zanah and in Greek Logou Porneia. (Commandments on Fornication)

THE ZANAH CODE- WHO YOU MAY NOT MARRY

(unless otherwise noted the following prohibitions are found in Leviticus 18).

  1. You may not marry- Your Father or Mother
  2. You may not marry- Your Step-Father or Step-Mother
  3. You may not marry- Your Grandfather or Grandmother
  4. You may not marry- Your step-grandfather or step-grandmother
  5. You may not marry- Your Brother or Sister
  6. You may not marry- Your half brother or half sister
  7. You may not marry- Your step-brother or step-sister
  8. You may not marry- Your step-daughter or step-son
  9. You may not marry- Your Uncle or Aunt
  10. You may not marry- Your In-Laws (Mother-in-law, father-in law sister-in-law, brother-in-law, daughter- in- law, son-in-law).
  11. You may not marry- Prostitutes (either male or female)(Lev.19:29, 21:14, 1 Cor.6:15)
  12. You may not marry- anyone married, or divorced, whose first mate is still alive (Lev.18:20, Mt.19:6, 1Cor. 7:39, Rom.7:2), Mark 10:11-12, Lk 16:18, 1Cor.6:9).
  13. You may not marry- A person of the same sex (Lev.18:22, Rom.1:21-32)
  14. You may not marry- More than one mate at a time (Titus 1:6, 1Tim.3:12, 1Cor.7:2)
  15. You may neither have sex with nor marry an animal (lev.18:23...punished by death in the Old Testament)
  16. You may not marry a non-Christian (2 Cor.6:14), but if you do you are bound to stay with him/her. If the unbeliever abandons you, you are free to live in permanent separation, but not free to remarry. (1 Cor. 7:13-15)
  17. You are to marry only in the Lord (1Cor.7:29) that means as witnessed by fellow Christians

DIVORCE

We can't talk about marriage without mentioning divorce. Yahshuah made it clear that Yah was against Divorce from the very beginning. Yahshuah admits in the early days of Israel, Moses found the people's hearts so hard that he (Moses) allowed for some divorce. But Yahshuah came to close the door on divorce. He said The Prophet Malachi said "Yah hates divorce" (Mal.2:15)

Speaking through the Prophet Ezekiel, Yah said:

"I will judge thee as women that break wedlock and shed blood are judged; and I will give thee blood in fury and jealousy" (Ezek.16:38) That's serious language.

In Mark's Gospel Yahshuah says:

"Whosoever shall put away his wife and marry another committeth adultery against her. And if a woman put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery." (Mark 10:11)

In Luke's Gospel Yahshuah says:

"Whosoever putteth away his wife and marrieth another committeth adultery, and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery'. (LK 16:18)

In Matthew's Gospel he says: "Whosoever shall put away his wife saving for the cause of fornication causeth her to committ adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." (Mt.5:32)

SOME CONCLUSIONS

Let's see what are the conclusions are so far?
  1. Yah Hates Divorce (Mal 2:16)
  2. Whosoever marries a divorced person is committing adultery (Lk.16:18)
  3. If a man divorces his wife, he is committing adultery (Mark 10:11) ) if he re-marries he further compounds his sin.
  4. If a woman divorces her husband she is committing adultery (Mark 10:11) if she re-marries, she further compounds her sin.
  5. To divorce your mate causes your mate to commit adultery (Mt.5:32)


THE EXCEPTION

"Whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery." (Mt.5:32)

A lot of people have tried to break the marriage bond by saying my spouse fornicated with someone else, or my mate was a sexual pervert, watched porn movies, or was a homosexual etc. and the Fornication clause says I may divorce and remarry.

Due to a poor translation, and weak pastors, modern Christians have rushed through the open door like Lemmings off a cliff into the sea.

"Cause of fornication" is not an accurate translation. In the Greek Text we find "Logou Porneia." This is the word Logos which mean Instructions, Teaching, Commandments, Torah. Logou Porniea should be translated "The Commandments on Fornication". The Commandments on Fornication are found in Leviticus chapters 15 through 20

So the Logou Porneia means you may only divorce if you are breaking the Zanah code. Once a wedding is consummated, divorce is not an option, unless you later find out you are in violation of the Commandments on Fornication. For example, if you accidentally married a half brother, or an aunt etc,. you need to disband that unlawful union. But the divorce door is closed. Marriage is "until death do us part." What about if my husband beats me? You get out of there and take the children too and don't come back until he has repented. But you do not divorce.

If despite all the scriptures telling you not to divorce you still do it, you will experience a dozen painful things.
CAN I BE FORGIVEN?

Yes you can repent and forsake your adulterous union and cry out to Yah for forgiveness. Then you must either remain celibate, or return to your first mate (if possible). You are not single, but will always be married to your first mate until one of you dies.

WHO IS FREE TO REMARRY?
  1. You are free to remarry if your first partner is dead.
  2. You are free to remarry if you were forced into a marriage against your will.
  3. You are free to remarry if the marriage was never consummated.
  4. You are free to remarry if you were single and married a divorced person. That marriage is not valid in Yah's eyes, so you must forsake it. You still made a vow and owe financial, and emotional support to the person you are leaving and the children if there are any.
  5. You are free to remarry if you entered into a marriage forbidden in Leviticus. You still made a vow and so owe financial, and emotional support to the person you are leaving and the children if there are any.

                                           THE ARGUMENTS USED TO JUSTIFY DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGE

The following 8 arguments are often used to justify divorce and remarriage:
  1. Abide in the same calling
  2. Not under bondage
  3. Dead in Sin
  4. The woman at the well.
  5. We weren't Christians when we married,
  6. Adultery took place.
  7. Yah didn't join us together.
  8. God divorced Israel and then remarried her sister Judah.

ABIDE IN THE SAME CALLING

1Cor.7:20 says "Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called". The argument is that if you were divorced and remarried and then became a Chrisitan, you should not break off the new marriage. My reply is that if you were a burglar, or a prostitute when you were called to the faith, you wouldn't continue to rob. When Yahshuah calls us it's to save us from our sins, not to keep us there. Divorce and remarriage is adultery.

NOT UNDER BONDAGE
ADULTERY TOOK PLACE -MY SPOUSE WAS SLEEPING WITH OTHERS

This certainly would be grounds for not having sex with your wayward spouse, and possible separation, but not divorce. Jeremiah 3:1 says: "But you have played the harlot with many lovers; yet return to Me," says Yah".

The Scriptures do not forbid separation in cases of unfaithfulness, or abuse, but you will still be married. However during the separation you must remain celibate, or reunite with your spouse.

DEAD IN SIN

I've had people tell me that their first mate was dead and they were free to remarry. They admit that their mate is still alive, but "Dead in sin". The same kind of person will argue that my first mate wasn't a Christian even though I thought he was and we were married in a church. But by his behavior it became clear that he was an unbeliever, so I am free to remarry. Neither of these arguments is valid. As long as your first mate still is alive, you are in adultery to divorce and add further sin if you marry another.

THE WOMAN AT THE WELL

Some argue that Yahshuah did not rebuke the woman at the well for having had 5 husbands, so it must be OK. He obviously did not ignore her sins for he probed into her life revealing that she was clearly in the wrong. If you read the story carefully, she said she had no husband and Yahshuah said you have spoken truly. The case can be made that she was a single woman who had lived with 5 men who were married. She had never married any of them . She obviously felt condemned, and by her reaction she appears to have repented. We can assume after meeting the Messiah, she never returned to her adulterous men again. Is this what Yah is calling you to do?

BUT WE WEREN'T CHRISTIANS THEN

This is the weakest excuse, but sounds good on the surface. People say when I became a Christian old things are passed away behold all things became new. I wish it were so simple. Then when I become a Christian my debts would automatically be canceled. If I committed a crime, I could tell the judge. "Oh those old things have passed away I don't have to pay for them." The old things of sin have passed away, but your legal obligations remain. Your bank loan is not canceled. Some have carried this argument to the point of absurdity by saying no marriage before becoming Christians are valid. That would mean all children, but Christian children are born illegitimately. That means a single Christian man could freely court his non-Christian neighbor's wife for they are not validly married. Do you see the chaos this argument brings? The Scriptures recognize all marriages as valid. Not just Christian ones. (See Gen 36:39 and Acts 24:24)

Yah DIDN'T JOIN US TOGETHER

Some argue that since they fought all the time, Yah didn't join them together, therefore they are free to divorce and remarry. Marriage is not defined by harmonious living. Marriage is a free choice to unite as witnessed by the community in a wedding ceremony. Usually vows are made to each other and to Yah and to the community. If one partner breaks the vows that doesn't absolve the innocent party from their vows. Your vows must stand even if your partner breaks his of hers.

Yah DIVORCED ISRAEL AND THEN REMARRIED. HE MARRIED HER SISTER JUDAH SO I CAN FOLLOW HIS EXAMPLE

Jeremiah is telling a parable. We must never think Yah can marry people or a nation. Yah is a spirit. The creator cannot marry his creation. Allegorically he calls them his children and his first born son. To suggest that this refers to an actual marriage would suggest that He married his children (incest), actually his son (homosexuality). Please show more intelligence than that.

So in Jeremiah 3 we must not take it as a real marriage. It is a parable about how Yah is like a husband to Israel. There was only one nation of Israel, but around 1000 BC it split into two kingdoms Ephraim Israel in the North and Judah Israel in the south. Both were Israel. In Jeremiah's parable they are compared to two sisters. In the parable Yah threatens divorce and even serves the divorce papers. But throughout the parable he says, Even though you have played the harlot with many lovers; "Yet return to Me," says Yah. (Jeremiah 3:1)"

In the parable he comes first as a husband to the northern kingdom and then to the southern. They are both portrayed like unfaithful wives, But despite his serving papers and making threats, Yah never goes through with the divorce. He says "Return, faithless Israel, declares Yah, I will frown on you no longer, for I am merciful, declares Yah, I will not be angry for ever. Only acknowledge your guilt. (3:12-13)

At the end of the parable He admits that He has not divorced Israel (either in the North or in the South) he says "Return, O backsliding children," says Yah, "for I am married to you." (3:24).

It's a parable. Yah is not to be viewed as a real husband. He did not marry, divorce the first sister, and then marry the second. This is to wrest scripture. If you rightly divide the word you will see that you must follow the Example of your heavenly father, and that no matter how fallen and polluted your mate becomes, you must stay with him, or her, (unless he,or she, becomes physically, or emotionally, abusive and violent, then run for safety).

THE DIFFICULT FINAL STEP

"Through much affliction we must enter the kingdom of Yah" (Acts 4:12)

For some of you there are some painful changes to be made.

In Ezra 10:10-44 Thousands of men were commanded by Ezra to separate from their unlawful marriages. They spent 2 months working six days a week to process them all "and some of them had wives by whom they had children" and they were told to send them away with the children (vs.44). So thousands of Old Testament saints have left us an example of how to do right. What would it prosper to keep an unlawful marriage for life, and lose Yah's Kingdom for eternity?

Here are all the New Testament Scriptures on Divorce without commentary

" A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes. 1 Corinthians 7:39

APPENDIX

I am putting this in the appendix because it is based on inference rather than actual Scriptures. Joseph called Mary his wife although they were only in the engagement period. It has been suggested that a Jewish man could divorce his betrothed wife if she was unfaithful during the engagement period. The woman would then be stoned to death, and that's why Joseph was going to divorce Mary privately so she would not be killed. However since the Bible says Joseph was a Tzeddik (a righteous man), he would not have disobeyed the Torah. He would have revealed her sin to preserve the purity if the nation. None-the-less By taking Joseph as an example, some Christians say divorce is therefore permitted, but only during the engagement period. They note that divorce is granted for fornication and only uumarrieds can fornicate. They rightly argue that if adultery was a grounds for divorce the word Moichea would have been used instead of porneia. There may be some validity to this argument, but we do not have scriptures to back it up. In our day of course the engagement period is not considered binding nor is a divore required, so the point becomes moot, except to establish that adultery is not a valid excuse for divorce.


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